Sometimes it helps to take a look at the comical side of tragedy. Now I know that Sex Addiction is no laughing matter, but often the excuses are. And, not only are the stories uncreative, implausible and transparent it is also comical that they somehow think their tall tales will convince us of their innocence. Sometimes I think they all went to the same school of absurdity as almost all Sex Addicts come up with
It’s difficult to understand how someone can become addicted to an activity or behavior such as shopping, eating, gambling or sex. We can understand chemical addictions because it is so straight forward–put the chemical into your body and get a measurable physical reaction. There are levels of the chemical in the bloodstream, visible signs of impairment and serious reactions if the drug is withdrawn. But, in the case of non-chemical addictions the signs are subtle
If you are not following the comments on my posts you may have missed this one. I felt that the questions were so universal that I wanted to make certain that all of you had the opportunity to read and respond. You can read the entire post and the comments here. Thank you Seren. Seren: Can you teach a person by doing this and can they learn and will they develop a conscience. Or is
What do you need right now from your Sex Addict partner or spouse? For me, the most important piece in our recovery was honest communication. Until my husband got rid of his defensiveness and started telling me the truth there was really no hope for us. What do you think is the most important factor in your relationship with a Sex Addict that would make you stay and work it out if it was there,
One of the reasons Sex Addicts have such a hard time with recovery is the easy and free access to their mood-altered state…fantasy. Sex Addicts are able to trigger a hit of the pleasure chemical, Dopamine,
Sometimes I think when we are dealing with our spouses or partners Sex Addiction we forget that the addiction is not necessarily the only problem in the relationship. Sex Addicts have a myriad of emotional issues that can make the relationship rocky aside from the addiction. My husband and I had a ‘discussion’ this morning over an incident that happened last night. It had nothing to do with his addiction, it was simply one of
I’ll post more when i get out of the hospital. Love to all. JoAnn
I’m so happy to be home after 28 days in the hospital. I’m also happy to see that this site carried on without me with the wonderful comments and shares from my friends. I’ll try not to bore you with the lengthy details, but this experience was truly unique. Just for the record, I am extremely healthy–so much so that I tend to brag that I never even get a cold. I am active, do
One of the most difficult aspects to understand about Sex Addiction is why the addict will risk their marriages, careers, family, children, financial security, social status and literally their entire life for the seemingly small reward of a quick sexual encounter. We non addicts just can’t make sense of it all.
The book is coming along nicely and yesterday I was working on a section about Discovery–how and when we find out that our spouse or partner is a Sex Addict. I can remember the day I found out as if it were yesterday. It was a Thursday and I was off work. While sorting through the stack of mail from the previous few days I noticed that a bank statement that I had seen come
When my husband and I visited the Galapagos Islands last year we visited the Charles Darwin Research Station on Santa Cruz island. This Research Station is the home to ‘Lonesome George’, the last living tortoise of his species. When he dies the species will be extinct. Thinking back on that trip today I realized that when I met my husband he was like Lonesome George. He had no friends, no social life, no intimacy.
If you read the quote below you will understand when I say that writing my book, Married To A Sex Addict, has taken over my life. It has not quite reached the tyrant stage, but it is close. This is a good thing, but it doesn’t leave much time for posting here. So, I think I will just post pieces of my manuscript and hope that you will fill in the gaps with your comments.
Unless you live in a cave you have heard the stories and speculation about Tiger Woods’ extramarital dalliances. Whenever a rich and powerful man is caught with his pants down it makes me wonder. Are these men really Sex Addicts (as many claim) or are they just self-centered idiots who take advantage of their power and position? Thanks to Dr. Carnes and others who have studied Sexual Addiction we have a better understanding of this
An important part of staying in a relationship with a Sex Addict is setting boundaries. These boundaries let the Sex Addict know that they can no longer abuse you and that you value yourself and have the self confidence to stand up for what you know is right for you. These boundaries also act as the ‘line in the sand’ that makes very clear what actions you will not accept from your spouse or partner.
A journal is a record of our experiences, an account or memoir of our journey through a certain time in our life. During the four years of the discovery and recovery of my husband’s Sex Addiction I wrote hundreds of pages of my thoughts, feelings, anger, frustration, hope and resentment. It was a powerful method of venting thoughts and feelings that I was just not ready to share with anyone else.
Are you still having sex with your spouse or partner even though you know that they are a Sex Addict? Do you practice safe sex by using condoms? This usually happens early in the process of discovery and disclosure. I guess it’s just human nature–and our primal need to feel close to someone we love again along with a bit of denial about facing our fears about the unknown future.
Loving a Sex Addict certainly has it’s challenges especially early in recovery, but a few stand out as particularly difficult. Which of these challenges do you and your spouse or partner have the most trouble with and how do you resolve the conflict? Building Trust Trust is necessary for you to feel safe in a relationship. Do you trust your spouse/partner? What do they do to build your trust? Dealing with Anger Anger and it’s
Sex Addiction is still in the news, but methinks we have returned to the not so golden age of the fifties where men were men because men were men. Can this writer/chef/comedian who posted this article in the Huffington Post really reflect the views of American men or is his tongue stuck so far into his cheek that it has reached his backside, thus blocking any pathways to his brain?
As we know, there is no ‘magic pill’ for Sex Addiction, but there may be some hope for the large percentage of addicts who suffer from depression. I remember my life before my husband started taking antidepressants. It was pure HELL! Not only was he acting out (which I didn’t know) but he was the classic Mr. Doom and Gloom. Nothing was ever right. If it was raining it was ‘crappy outside’. If the sun
Whether you have just discovered your spouse or partner’s clandestine sexual behaviors, or you are painfully discovering new or repeated evidence, you will need to make a decision about how to confront them.